The Pulse of a Year: Yearly Review of Spanda, Uncertainty, and the Practice of Being Human
- Heidi Kassner
- 6 days ago
- 4 min read
As the year comes to a close, I’ve been sitting with a theme I return to again and again in my yoga practice and in my life: spanda, the sacred pulse of contraction and expansion that underlies everything.
Spanda is the reminder that all of life moves. It stretches out, and it folds in. It bursts open with possibility, and it tightens around challenge. It is not linear. It is not predictable. And it does not promise ease. But it is honest. And it is always present if we are willing to pause long enough to feel it.
One of my favorite yearly review rituals at the end of the year is to open my Photos app and scroll through each month. It’s a simple practice, but it always reveals the truth that life is far bigger, richer, and more dynamic than what I consciously remember. This year, that truth hit especially hard.
A Yearly Review of Expanding and Contracting
January opened with the publishing of my first book, a trip to NYC with my daughter to see Idina Menzel on Broadway, and a cozy afternoon learning mahjong with my cousin.
February brought sun-soaked days in Puerto Rico with my husband, followed by a family trip to Florida.
March was a month of the stage. Both my daughter and I each performed in musicals, shining in our own ways.
April brought medical testing and soccer weekends for my son, and my annual Broadway Bestie road trip.
May was powerful: Yoga Reaches Out, my annual yoga retreat, and breaking ground on what would become The Yoga Barn.
June was full with me getting to be a research participant on the effects of meditation on the brain while inside an MRI machine, helping my parents sell their home, end of year school events, and a live concert with my rock band.
July was a month of contrast: leading SUP Yoga classes and multiple trips back and forth to my daughter’s overnight camp as she battled illness. It also held some of my favorite days of the year, two nights of Phish concerts with my husband!
August brought the deepest contraction for my family, a month that changed everything. We hiked Mount Monadnock, welcomed visiting family from Florida, and played a big rock concert… and then suddenly my son needed emergency open-heart surgery. That same week I lost my job as I was preparing to open The Yoga Barn. My daughter also started high school. Life, in a matter of days, became very full and overwhelming.
September opened The Yoga Barn doors to its first classes while our family navigated hospital visits and recovery.
October finally softened with apple picking, pumpkin patches, and a Halloween yoga class that brought pure joy.
November was a mix of gratitude, medical appointments, watching my daughter shine on stage in Hadestown, and managing an unexpected bathroom leak that led to a crash course in black mold and asbestos.
December so far brought my husband’s office holiday celebration, my daughter making the theater festival competition team, my son running daily on the treadmill, and me managing yet another renovation while trying to stay grounded.
A full year. A full breath. Expansion and contraction… again and again.
The Lesson That Keeps Showing Up
If I learned anything this year, it is this:
I do not know what the future holds. Not even a little. And the times I struggled the most were the times where anxiety began to predict outcomes for me.
This year taught me how quickly fear, uncertainty, and the pressure of "what might happen" can shape the way I show up in my present moment. It reminded me how easy it is to collapse into the future rather than live in the now.
So lately, my work has been this:
How am I processing the intensity of the past year? Where am I gripping into the unknown future? How can I soften into the truth of what is here today?
Yoga reminds us that clinging to outcomes, either positive or negative, is a form of suffering. Presence is the antidote.
Coming back to breath, to grounding, to gratitude… even when everything feels uncertain.
Spanda as Our Teacher
Spanda teaches that contraction is not failure and expansion is not permanent. Both are necessary. Both are sacred. Both shape us.
The question is not whether life will shift, because it will. The question is: Can we stay awake inside the shifts? Can we return to presence even when our instinct is to run into the future or hide in the past?
This is the heart of yoga, not the poses themselves but the awareness between the poses. The space where we breathe, choose, soften, and rise.
Your Reflection Invitation
If you’d like to try my end of year ritual, here it is:
Open your photos app.
Scroll to January.
Move month by month.
Let the forgotten joyful, painful, mundane, surprising moments rise.
Ask yourself:
Where did life expand?
Where did it contract?
What did I learn in each season?
What strength did I use that I didn’t realize I had?
Let yourself witness your own spanda, the pulse of your life. If you would like to download a free year-end reflection worksheet file to guide you in this practice, you can find it here:
Thank you for being part of my 2025. For practicing with me, supporting The Yoga Barn, reading my words, showing up to class, sending messages, or simply being part of this community. None of this is possible without you.
May you close this year with gentleness and begin the next with presence, gratitude, and trust in the unfolding.
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